Dinner with the Dursleys
by defying3reason
Summary: Teddy Lupin heads over to his godfather's house for a friendly dinner. Unfortunately for him, he's not the only guest.


Teddy was humming the score from Batman the Animated Series under his breath while he walked up the street to the Potters' house. He'd had it stuck in his head at odd intervals all day, which made him think he really ought to bite the bullet and get a television set, or a computer or some other method of watching Muggle media other than when he was babysitting for the neighbors. Those kids had gotten him absolutely hooked on cartoons.

He paused to check his reflection in a pocket mirror, which immediately tried to get him to tuck in his shirt. "I've told you, you fussy old nag, it's not supposed to be tucked in!"

"You look scruffy!" The mirror chided.

"That's the whole point!" Teddy shot back. He ignored the mirror, which was a gift from his grandmother and would have had him dressed like a middle aged man if it had its way, and inspected his fuchsia faux-hawk. "Hm…I reckon magenta might go a bit better with this outfit."

"Only if you want to make your friends' eyes bleed."

"Quiet you." He hastily changed his hair to a shade of magenta that pleased him more and shoved the mirror back in the pocket of his red vinyl pants. He was also wearing a clingy grey t-shirt, a formal black vest, heeled black boots and a load of necklaces and bracelets. The first few weeks after school, when he wasn't forced to wear a uniform anymore, he always did like to go for the more elaborate looks.

He resumed his whistling for the walk up to the door, knocked, and then walked right in.

"Hullo!" Teddy frowned when the expected hoard of trampling little feet didn't come to greet him. "Not even Jamie, blimey."

"We're in the dining room Teddy!" Ginny called. She sounded upset about something. To be totally honest, she sounded fine, but Teddy had spent his whole life among the Potter family and knew all the subtle little inflections of mood and character they presented, and he'd bet his broomstick Ginny Potter was irritable over something.

The source presented itself when he flounced into the dining room. An unpleasant looking old man with a bushy mustache and a bony old woman with too much neck were sitting at the table, along with a mound of muscle and fat that vaguely resembled the two of them. They were all staring at Teddy.

Pretending not to notice, Teddy crossed the room to give Ginny a kiss on the cheek. "'Lo Mrs. Potter. What are we having?"

"Well isn't he a presumptuous one," The older man sneered. Teddy quirked an eyebrow at him. "I wasn't aware another guest had been invited."

"Oh, I'm never really invited. I just kind of pop in when I feel like it," Teddy explained with a laugh. They looked as though he'd said something awful, like that he enjoyed eating babies or something. Teddy looked at Harry, who was sitting at the head of the table badly trying to hide his laugh by biting his hand, in some confusion. "Um…who are these people God-Dad?"

"Right, sorry. Teddy, this is my uncle Vernon Dursley and my aunt Petunia and their son Dudley. I grew up with them, but we haven't seen each other since the war. Everyone, this is my godson Teddy."

The Dursleys continued to stare at Teddy as though they'd never seen a more awful looking teenager in their lives. Feeling a bit uncomfortable under the scrutiny, Teddy decided to take a seat. He moved for a spot next to Harry, but Petunia coughed loudly. "Yes?"

"Well there isn't a place for you, is there? Since you weren't thoughtful enough to call your godfather and tell him you were coming."

"It's fine Petunia, really. We like it when Teddy drops in for dinner," Ginny explained. "I'll just get another chair from the kitchen."

"I don't think you need to bother with that. Can't you or Harry just magic one up?" Teddy asked. Based on the expressions on the Dursleys' faces, he'd said entirely the wrong thing. Feeling a bit impatient, he tried to smooth it over. "Course I'd do it myself, but I'm underage. I still can't do magic outside of school."

"Harry, why don't you and Teddy call the kids in from the yard while I reset the table?" Ginny asked in a pleasant sounding tone of voice that was really the type of command no sensible husband would ignore.

"Er, right. Come on Ted." Harry practically yanked Teddy from the room. "Sorry bout them."

"Did something crawl up their asses and die?" Teddy asked, once they were out of earshot of the dining room. "I've never seen such miserable looking people in my entire life. You're not really related to them, are you?"

"Aunt Petunia's my mother's biological sister."

"You're sure there weren't any surprise adoptions or anything? Maybe a changeling baby?" Teddy continued, unable to believe it.

Harry smirked. "I got some important magical protection between the wars because of Aunt Petunia's blood relationship to my mother, so I'm actually quite sure we're really related. Anyway, if you don't want to stay for dinner I'll completely understand, and we can make something really good for you tomorrow. I'm sorry the first night you've been by since term ended happened to be the one they're here for, but-"

"Why are they here anyway?" Teddy asked, confused. "They don't seem to particularly like you."

"No, I reckon they don't. Look, it's…complicated family stuff. Like how every now and then your grandmother throws her sister a bone, just because they grew up together?"

"Yeah, but Narcissa never actually comes over for tea."

Harry sighed. "Maybe that is why they came…to make me miserable. The point is though, that they don't like being reminded I'm a wizard. When I lived with them I wasn't even allowed to mention my school by name. Ginny and I've been trying to downplay the presence of magic in the house. We even locked up the family photos in the cupboard so that they don't have to see them moving. Anyway, let's get the kids and get back in there. I don't want to leave Ginny alone too long or she'll take it out on me later."

Grinning, Teddy shot out into the yard and got the greeting he'd expected at the door.

"Teddy!" James ran for him with his head down like a charging rhino, aiming for his knees. Teddy leapt out of the way, twisted to avoid a tackle from Lily, and ended it by swooping Albus up in his arms for a hug, which turned into a group hug once he dropped to his knees to let his squirming captive down.

"Well I'm disappointed. Clearly none of you lot missed me at all while I was at Hogwarts!" Teddy laughed. When he stood up, James was still clinging to his neck from behind and so was lifted in the air. Lily had settled herself on Teddy's foot, hugging his calf so that he had to take exaggerated steps to walk with her. Albus trailed meekly behind, holding one of Teddy's hands.

Shaking his head, Harry followed after them. The Dursleys stared, but didn't say anything at the odd entrance. Teddy divested himself of children and went to take the seat he'd originally gone for next to Harry, but the kids immediately started fighting over him.

"You got to sit next to Teddy last time, it's my turn!" James shouted.

"Is not, it's my turn!" Lily shouted back.

"How do they remember this stuff?" Teddy asked. He had indeed sat between James and Albus last family dinner, so it really was Lily's turn. Sighing, he plopped down in a seat with two empty ones on either side and waited for the children to either fight it out or have their parents step in.

Ginny cleared her throat, and her children immediately stopped yelled. "James, it is Lily's turn to sit next to our guest. Besides, I think you ought to sit with your great aunt and uncle. They're our special guests tonight."

"But I don't want to sit next to her. She looks mean," James whined.

Petunia, who had been gazing at the adorable but bad tempered child with the beginnings of fondness, immediately scrunched up her face in dislike. No biting of the hand could hide Harry's laughter this time. His shoulders were shaking.

"I'll sit next to Auntie Tunia," Albus volunteered, and he bravely took the open seat next to her, folded his hands, and looked up at her curiously. She gave him a flicker of a smile, then looked pointedly in front of her while giving off an aura of discontent.

"Yes! I win!" James plopped down on Teddy's other side, picked up his plate and smacked it against the table. "Right then, what are we having?"

"Supper alone in our bedroom with the TV unplugged if we don't start using our manners," Ginny threatened.

Scowling, James folded his hands and did a mean but accurate impression of Albus. "Is this better Mum?"

Teddy kicked him under the table and he kicked back. "Lay off your brother," He whispered.

"But he makes it so easy."

"If it's too easy then there's no sport," Teddy whispered again. James went quiet, thinking it over.

Ginny silenced any further bickering with a delicious meal of apple porkchops and rosemary-cheddar potatoes. One of the Dursleys at least started to look content. Dudley's fork was in constant motion between the plate and his mouth, and he started smiling widely and laughing at the small talk, clearly in a pleasant mood now that he realized there was good food and that it was in no way dangerously magical.

But the other two went back to staring at Teddy and making little digs about his appearance. After Vernon's second anecdote about no good punk kids who couldn't keep a decent job down because they were too busy turning their hair ridiculous colors, Teddy decided he'd had enough. It was too late to do anything about his clothes, but he could fix his hair. He closed his eyes, scrunched his face up in concentration, and felt his hair shift to the same platinum shade of blond as Petunia's. Based on how red Harry was turning from trying not to laugh, he'd gotten her tightly permed old lady hairstyle right, though he'd have to check a reflective surface later to be sure.

"Is this better sir?" Teddy asked, oozing fake innocence.

James pointed and laughed. "It looks as horrid as Auntie Tunia's! I liked it better pink Teddy."

"It was magenta," Teddy said, feigning indignance. He crossed his arms over his chest and faced the Dursleys, who were silently gaping at him. Dudley looked a little green.

"You just did you-know-what at the table!" Dudley groaned.

"It's not really _magic_, it's just how I was born. Guess it looks that way to muggles though. Er…" Ginny was giving him a warning look. "Right, I'll just switch it to something normal."

He closed his eyes and thought about the old photographs he had of his dad from when he was a kid. Though it was impossible to know for sure, since he'd started changing his appearance around from birth, Teddy liked to think that he was supposed to look like his father. After a moment's concentration, he ran his hand through what was now shaggy brown hair and continued eating.

"I still liked it better pink," James grumbled.

"Well, I've lost my appetite," Vernon said loudly. Petunia set her fork down as well and wiped her mouth primly with a napkin. They both looked at their son and, reluctantly, Dudley stopped shoveling potatoes into his mouth.

"But what about pudding?" Lily asked, looking puzzled. "Daddy was making treacle tart this morning. Aren't you going to have any of it?"

"Wait a second, are you saying that _Harry_ does the cooking?" Vernon asked.

Petunia gave a little sniff, and threw a superior look towards Ginny.

"We both do the cooking," Ginny explained, an undercurrent of annoyance in her tone. "Because we both like to cook. You know what Lil, let's save the tart for when we've got some company who'll appreciate it."

"But I appreciate it Mom. I appreciate it loads," James whined.

"I've got a thought," Teddy interjected before the adults could start making underhanded comments at each other again. "Since you lot are all full of delicious, delicious pork chops, why I don't I take the kids out for ice cream? That way you adults can…talk and…do whatever it is that adults do."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea Teddy. Let me go get my purse," Ginny said, jumping up from the table.

"I've got it Mrs. P, don't worry. C'mon kids."

There had been a momentary panic on the kids' faces when it looked like their parents were going to pay for their ice creams, because if their parents paid then they'd have to get reasonable portions. But with Teddy paying they could each get the gigantic chocolate vanilla twists and have a race to see who could finish theirs first.

Teddy shot one more sympathetic look over his shoulder at Harry and Ginny before taking off with the kids.

* * *

><p>"I return with your children, safe, sound and sticky. Well, except James. Lost him by the park somewhere, but I didn't think you'd mind that much since you've got the other two. You're not going to miss him or anything, are you?"<p>

"Teddy's joking Mum, James is right here!" Lily giggled.

Ginny smiled. "Thank you sweetheart, I might have worried." She kissed each of her children and then sent them upstairs to wash up. "And thank you Teddy. That meal could have gone much worse."

"Didn't I muck it up?" Teddy asked. "I, er, got the feeling that Harry's relatives didn't like me very much."

"Oh, they positively detested you. But Harry did say that they're most happy when they complain about something, and you insulated our children from them. So once again, thank you."

Teddy smiled weakly. Then he caught sight of the ostentatiously large car parked outside through the window. "They're not still here, are they?"

Ginny sighed. "Harry's showing them pictures of the babies and Petunia's pestering Dudley to make her some grandchildren."

"I thought Harry said you'd locked up the pictures-"

"We have a few muggle pictures too. Anyway, I guess Dudley's only just gotten out of muggle prison, and he's trying to explain to his Mum that that makes it hard to meet the kind of woman you'd want to raise a family with."

Teddy laughed. "You're not serious?"

"Doesn't he look like a thug to you?"

"Well, I guess, yeah. Alright, shall I head back in and make a spectacle of myself for their entertainment, or do you think I should get going?"

Ginny considered. "Well I do think your grandmother would like to see you. Have you been at home at all since you got back from school."

"Course I have. I was there for like four whole hours before I ran off to visit Ron and Hermione. Sorry, I would have come here straight away, but I bumped into them first, and-"

"It's alright Teddy. Just make sure you give your grandmother a hug, alright? A nice big one?"

"Yes Mrs. P."

They went into the sitting room, where they found Harry sitting stiffly with a forced smile on his face while Petunia loudly criticized the baby pictures. "Now, when Dudders has his children we'll make sure they get the best of everything. That rocking chair there looks like it's seen better days. I suppose you got it second hand?"

"In a way. It was my mother's and she gave it to me when I found out I was pregnant with James," Ginny said cheerfully.

"Speaking of James," Petunia paused to purse her lips. It was clear the blunt little boy had not gotten on her good side. "Is he screaming in every one of these pictures?"

"He is in the ones where I'm tickling him," Harry said, but she ignored him.

"Nasty little boy, if you ask me."

"Quite right," Vernon agreed.

"Not at all like that darling little Albus."

"Exactly, I-wait, what?" Vernon looked about as shocked as the rest of them.

"That Albus really is such a charming little man. And such an unusual name. Where ever did you come up with it?"

"Er…old friend," Harry said quickly, cutting off Teddy's surprised exclamation. He'd never met anyone who hadn't heard of Albus Dumbledore. Even if they were muggles, with Harry as a nephew they ought to have known.

"Well I absolutely must have him over for a visit sometime. And Vernon, don't you think your sister would like to meet him?"

"M-Marge?" Vernon asked, possibly wondering if he had another sister he didn't know about who'd want anything to do with a Potter.

"Now wait just a second," Harry cut in. "Does she still have horrible dogs that chase skinny boys up trees?"

"At her age?" Dudley laughed.

Harry considered. "Well, as long as you can promise me Albie won't get terrorized by dogs then I'll pitch it to him, but he's quite shy. He might not want to-"

"_He_ might not want to?" Ginny hissed. She was glaring daggers at Harry.

Petunia cleared her throat. "Excuse me, Virginia, was it?"

"Ginerva, actually," Ginny corrected.

"What kind of a name is-" Vernon was cut off by a bony elbow to his massive stomach.

"Sorry, Ginerva. I'm sorry if I've offended you in any way tonight."

Harry, Ginny and Teddy all regarded her in shock, Ginny and Teddy because it was quite plain to them that Petunia and her family had been nothing but foul all night, and Harry because he was pretty sure he'd never heard a Dursley apologize before.

"I'm just feeling the pains of an old woman who would like to have children in her life again." She threw a vicious look at Dudley, who was texting on his cellphone and so didn't notice. "And…I did notice that in everything that happened all those years ago Harry, you did manage to keep us alive. We are…we are _family_." She looked a bit pained as she said it. "I think we ought to speak a little more often than we do."

"But just to Albus?" Ginny couldn't help but ask.

"Well he's got a sense of manners," Vernon said.

Teddy mouthed the sentence back at him in shocked amusement.

"We'll…think about it," Harry promised.

The Dursleys left a short time after, and as Ginny made Harry and Teddy aware the instant the door was closed behind them, she was very happy to see them go.

The kids cautiously poked their heads into the sitting room. "Are they gone?" Lily asked.

"Yep," Teddy announced.

"YAY!" James and Lily ran into the room roaring their excitement and jumped onto the couch next to Teddy. Albus trotted in after them and sat down with his parents.

"They did threaten to steal one of you though," Teddy said. Lily's mouth fell open in an 'O' of silent horror, while James crossed his arms defiantly.

"Mum and Dad would never let horrible people like that take us."

"No we wouldn't," Ginny agreed, shooting a meaningful look at Harry.

"I didn't say they could take him!" Harry said defensively. "I just didn't want to say no, exactly. They've never reached out to me like that before. I didn't know what to do-I was like a deer in headlights!"

"Wait, they didn't really want to take one of us, did they?" James asked fearfully.

"Yes they did. And if you lot don't have your rooms spotlessly cleaned tomorrow, like I asked you to do last week, then we'll let them have you," Ginny threatened. The kids all gasped, then threw themselves towards the stairs, pushing each other down in their eagerness to start cleaning their rooms. Ginny let out a self-satisfied laugh. "I wonder how long that one's going to work."

"When it starts to slip, we'll just invite them round to dinner again and it should start working good as new," Harry said.

Ginny glared at him. "Harry James Potter, don't you threaten me."

"Sorry, sorry."

"Well, I guess I'd better get going too then," Teddy announced, sitting up with a reluctant sigh. "Is it okay if I pop by again tomorrow?"

"Teddy, when have you ever been unwelcome here?" Ginny asked, rolling her eyes. He smiled, then bounded over for a big hug from Harry and Ginny each.

"Thanks for the memorable meal."

"No problem," Harry grinned. "Thanks for helping with the kids."

"Always a pleasure."

"And Teddy," Ginny added. "You ought to leave your hair like that a little more often. You…you do look like him, you know."

Teddy had completely forgotten about switching his hair to brown and never switching it back. He nodded, and smiled. "Maybe I will. Night guys."

"G'night Teddy."


End file.
